Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Govermentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.
There were two young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is a scandal concerning ‘em.
They lifted the frock
And tickled the cock
Of the Bishop engaged in confirming ‘em.
Now the Bishop was nobody’s fool,
For he’d been to a good public school,
So he took down their britches
And buggered those bitches
With his ten inch Episcopal tool.
But this didn’t worry those two;
Said they, as the Bishop withdrew,
“The vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker,
And longer and stronger than you.”
Taken from The Trusty Servant Issue 107:
https://wyksoc.com/Page.aspx?pid=209
‘When in 1441 King Henry VI decided to found a school near Windsor to be a feeder for the Cambridge college which he had in mind, he knew where to look to see how it should be done! Win Coll’s records show that in the years just before and just after Eton was founded, the king visited Winchester, in all about ten times, to study carefully how the college worked. So impressed was he, that he actually had soil removed from our ground to form part of Eton’s foundation, ‘as if,’ as A F Leach writes, ‘it were a gold mine, and the secret of success lay in some subtle savour of it.’ The first Head Master of Eton, William Waynflete, was Headmaster here from 1430-1441, and, when he left Winchester, he took with him six scholars to form the nucleus of the new school. We print here two photographs of wall paintings that have recently come to light by the removal of panelling in Eton Chapel. On one side can be seen the Etonian crest along with some schoolboys. On the opposite side the wall is very damaged, but the arms of Win Coll are clearly visible. It is thought that there will also have been a group of Wykehamists, to balance the Etonians on the other side. The paintings seem to date from the late fifteenth or early sixteenth century, perhaps from the Head Mastership of William Horman, c.1485 - c.1495. Horman, himself a Wykehamist, was Headmaster of Win Coll from 1495 to 1501.’
